Home Thoughts From Dubai

This is just a test to ensure that the site is back live.

this is to test. how do you feel.

Did you know :
a) the guys who created YouTube (Chad Hurley, Steve Chen and Jawed Karim) all worked together (and helped the development of) PayPal b) YouTube was initially set up as a ‘dating site’ but ‘drifted’ to what became the billion dollar company ‘by accident’ c) YouTube was only registered 6 years ago (strange given that it seems to have been with us much longer) – Valentines Day 2005 d) every day on Facebook alone 150 years worth of (YouTube) video is watched every day and e) the most watched YouTube downloads are Charlie bit my finger – again (290 million views), The sneezing Panda (97 million) and Paul Potts singing Nessun Dorma (79 million – which btw is 60 million more than Pavarotti’s version on YouTube). And I am probably adding some extra viewings by just mentioning them here.

Thoughts for the week :
a)a bump in the road is either an obstacle to be fought or an opportunity to be enjoyed ……. it is up to you b) some succeed because they are destined to. But most succeed because they are determined to c) God put me on this Earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now, I am so far behind that I will never die and d) to find the ONLY person you can truly trust in this life, look no further than the person in the nearest mirror.

Biggest change in Dubai/Dublin this week :
And so the Sarkozy re-election campaign gets into full throttle. In the week that he successfully ‘stung’ his main rival for the Presidency (I guess it was not too hard given Dominique Khan’s predictable desire for a quick bonk in the toilet before heading for the airport) and with a little legitimate bonk his own getting his chick into the wonderful state of motherhood, good old Nicolas headed off to the UAE to demonstrate to the electorate at home just how capable he is on the foreign stage. And
2010 also saw the UAE overtake Saudi Arabia as the biggest importer in the Middle East of American products. Food, luxury goods, raw materials, electronic devices etc were amongst the most popular items imported. Saudi did however remain the US’s largest provider of oil from the Middle East supplying 79% of the total from the Region.
And finally on this section employing people in Dubai gets progressively more expensive. And over the next few weeks I will have the cost of paying up to 10 staff their end of contract entitlement – even if they choose to stay on in the Company. One months salary for every years service. Therefore 3 months salary. On top of the month’s salary you have to give them every year. On top of the plane ticket to get home. On top of the other ‘extras’ that are also Government imposed.
And to think I had to fight such a hard and costly battle to get each of them a visa.

Reflections from the week :
Well if you are reading this I guess the world did not end last weekend. Shame. Another mis-fired prediction by Harold Camping (his last one was for 1994) an influential American Radio host. And ‘this years’ prediction gathered a ‘following’ of up to 5 million (yep 5 mil) and he announced in early May that ‘I am very sure of my prediction’. His prediction is apparently based on a mathematical system to interpret prophecies hidden within the Bible. He obviously was not very good at maths when he was at school. Or given the fact that he is 89 years old maybe he never went to school. But thankfully for us all, he was wrong, and I get to write about this ‘lucky escape’ !!!

The debt tortured country of Ireland has enjoyed a tonic week. Like a good friend rallying to support of a bankrupt friend, two of the worlds most powerful and influential people decided to pay Paddyland a visit. Both contrasting in nature and purpose. Both wonderfully successful – for all concerned. There is however some irony that the less contentious visitor (Paddy O’Bama – POB) had the greater security agenda. Yep POB brought an invasion force with him. Including a fleet of Chinooks, armoured vehicles, special forces etc etc etc etc. For just a 23 hour visit. To see his ancestoral home in a place that I never heard of in Ireland, well till now. Like a scene from a Bruce Willis movie, the little town of Ballygall will never see the likes of it again. This was Ireland for f**ks sake. Where the police do not carry weapons. A country that is war neutral. A country that has ‘supplied’ up to 12% of the American population – all more dangerous with alcohol that Kalashnikovs. But I suppose the anal Group that get paid to look after the President of the United States do not take these things into account. Ireland may as well be Iraq. But at least his speeches and relaxed manner were typically memorable. Thankfully, if unsurprisingly, his visit was a huge success ………… and peaceful.

In contrast the expected security challenges and threats to Queen Lizzies on her visit to Ireland required only 15 ‘under-cover’ British security personnel ………….. and none of the artillery arsenal. And for a visit that drew sceptics from every County, this wonderful Lady won my, and I suspect hundreds of thousands of other Irish who were indifferent on the British monarchy, admiration and respect. A woman of immense character, personality and sensitivity. An occasion that could have been very ugly turned out to be one of the MOST memorable four days in history of Irish Independence. This wonderful woman did not shy away from visiting such sensitive historic places as the Garden of Remembrance (where those who fought and died for Irish freedom are remembered) or Croake Park (where 21 innocent Irish were brutally murdered at a football match in 1920) nor did she avoid going to the ‘Rebel County’ of Cork. No, this wonderful Lady visited probably the MOST historically sensitive Irish ‘monuments’. A TRUE Queen. A total success that went across the world and highlighted the best of what exists between these two geographical neighbours.
And just a quick compliment to the Irish President (Mary McAleese), Government officials, organisers and everybody associated with the organisation and success of the visit. No doubt if that ‘Dummy’ previous Government of ours had been in place, it would not have been such a success. Brian Clown and his sidekick Mary ‘f**k it’ Coughlan would probably have felt the two visits to be an unnecessary interruption to their daily diet of alcohol. And alcohol.

Now that we have had two of the top 5 most influential people on the Planet, let us move to the World’s number 5. Bring on (or to Ireland) Lady Gaga. Yep hard to believe but apparently she is the FIFTH most influential name/brand/face from the 6 billion plus that inhabit our small world. I don’t have any answers to ‘How’. So don’t ask me.

Another wonderful British lady who is probably getting more Media coverage these days than her Queen, is Pippa Middleton. You know, the chick with the great ass (oh and dress) at Willy and Kate’s wedding. Yes Kate’s sister. It appears she is now generally accepted as having the best ass on the Planet. Well at least for the year 2011 – you know how ‘bums’ go as women get older (ok some guys as well).
Which reminds me of a short joke associated with the visit of Queen Lizzie. It seems on the third day of her visit she turned to Philip (her husband) and says ‘Sweetheart I don’t think we should really go to County Cork tomorrow’. To which Philip adoringly looks at her and asked ‘Why is that Your Majesty’. (Now here is where you will need some knowledge of Irish geography. Middleton is a town in County Cork – which was the County that Lizzie and Phil were visiting the next day. It also happens to be the newly-wed Kate’s family name. Now let me continue and hope that you will ‘make the link’ !!). ‘Well I heard that Willy has been stuck in Middleton for the past fortnight’.
If you don’t get it, read it again. If you still don’t get it, please stop reading HT.

Now getting back to Pippa’s ass for a moment, did you know that there is a ‘league table’ in the world of cosmetic surgeons that rank various procedures to famous people. Yep there IS ! And Pippa’s ass has ‘shot straight to number 1’ this last fortnight. Knocking Kylie (Minogue) and Serena Williams and Jay Lo down the ‘ladder’. How much will a ‘Pippa Arse’ cost you ? Well apparently £5,500. I know a few guys who would consider that money well spent !!!!!!!

I have grown in my dislike of the Irish Media. WHY do they constantly feel the need to cover only negative stories and if the story is not sufficiently negative, to embellish it with a greater level of Prozac. If the Irish economy is to have any chance of recovering (yes I know the banks need to be lending, but we covered that last week ………….. and the week before) then journalists will need to apply greater intellectual balance. And so IF a Political Party have a fund raising day, or Politicians are invited to Private Sector events, or Big Corporate have a golf outing where some bankers are present, or banks decide to have some marketing days or there is ANY event where any of the above mixes happen, then LET them be. There is NO need to waste ink in attempting to put a ‘negative spin’ on what is happening or may happen. This is how business gets done around the world. It is what made Ireland so economically successful in times past. So please pay a responsible role in our economic rehabilitation.

Did you know that many of the drugs that are used to treat many of our ailments, are not as effective as we are told by our doctors. Here is my list. Corticosteroids for Asthma. Ezetimibe for Cholesterol. The range of NSAID drugs for Arthritis. Valium and other benzodiazepines for Insomnia. And many of the antibiotics we use for viral infections. Many of these drugs have been proven to be ineffective and can have addictive characteristics.

Now a couple of teaser questions for you. How many elephants did Hannibal take on his journey across the Alps ? Who was the last English King killed in battle ? Who said it takes 15,000 casualties to train a Major-General ? In which country was Laurence of Arabia born ? What does the CS in CS Gas stand for ? When on a suicide mission Japanese Kamikaze pilots wore what colour headbands and what was the symbol on them ? Where was the war spy Mata Hari born ? OK that is enough. How did you do ? Answers are 37, Richard the third in the Battle of Bosworth Field in 1485, Ferdinand Foch (whoever the f**k he is), Wales, Canister smoke, white with the symbol of the rising sun and finally the Netherlands.

Finally in the latest revenue generating move, Police in Dubai are now targeting those people who have not paid traffic fines. Apparently up to 1.2 million unpaid fines existed ‘in the system’ and over the past 12 months, AED 741 million (Euro 150m) has been recovered.

Finally finally womb transplants will become the big business of 2012. Yep it is now possible for women to have this medical procedure. The ‘dark’ side of the story is that the womb can come from a dead woman (living persons are ok as well but tissue and blood matches are problems). Anyhow hope for many ‘babyless’ women around the world.

Boring event or person of the week

That ‘wimpy’ Clegg guy in the British Coalition. How did he get there ? Every time he opens his mouth now he starts to sound like a British ‘George Bush’ or ‘Sarah Palin’.

Fun Corner

Dear Mr Cameron

Please find below our suggestion for fixing England ‘s economy.
Instead of giving billions of pounds to banks that will squander the money on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the following plan..

You can call it the Patriotic Retirement Plan:

There are about 10 million people over 50 in the work force.
Pay them £1 million each severance for early retirement with the following stipulations:
1) They MUST retire.
Ten million job openings – unemployment fixed
2) They MUST buy a new British car.
Ten million cars ordered – Car Industry fixed
3) They MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage -
Housing Crisis fixed
4) They MUST send their kids to school/college/university -
Crime rate fixed
5) They MUST buy £100 WORTH of alcohol/tobacco a week …..
and there’s your money back in duty/tax etc
6) Instead of stuffing around with the carbon emissions trading scheme that makes us pay for the major polluters, tell the greedy bastards to reduce their pollution emissions by 75% within 5 years or we shut them down.
It can’t get any easier than that!

Grumpies of the World Unite

Also………..
Let’s put the pensioners in jail and the criminals in a nursing home.
This way the pensioners would have access to showers, hobbies and walks.
They’d receive unlimited free prescriptions, dental and medical treatment, wheel chairs etc and they’d receive money instead of paying it out.
They would have constant video monitoring, so they could be helped instantly, if they fell, or needed assistance.
Bedding would be washed twice a week, and all clothing would be ironed and returned to them.
A guard would check on them every 20 minutes and bring their meals and snacks to their cell.
They would have family visits in a suite built for that purpose.
They would have access to a library, weight room, spiritual counselling, pool and education.
Simple clothing, shoes, slippers, PJ’s and legal aid would be free, on request.
Private, secure rooms for all, with an exercise outdoor yard, with gardens.
Each senior could have a PC a TV radio and daily phone calls.
There would be a board of directors to hear complaints, and the guards would have a code of conduct that would be strictly adhered to.

The criminals would get cold food, be left all alone and unsupervised. Lights off at 8pm, and showers once a week. Live in a tiny room and pay £600.00 per week and have no hope of ever getting out.
Think about this (more points of contention):
————————————————————————
COWS
Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that during the mad cow epidemic our government could track a single cow, born in Appleby almost three years ago, right to the stall where she slept in the county of Cumbria?
And, they even tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 125,000 illegal immigrants wandering around our country. Maybe we should give each of them a cow.
————————————————————————
THE BRITISH CONSTITUTION They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq … Why don’t we just give them ours?
It was drawn up by a lot of really smart guys, it has worked for centuries and we’re not using it anymore.
THE 10 COMMANDMENTS
The real reason that we can’t have the Ten Commandments posted in a courthouse or Parliament, is this -
You cannot post ‘Thou Shalt Not Steal’, ‘Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery’ and ‘Thou Shall Not Lie’ in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians….. It creates a hostile work environment.

I am still fascinated by this one. Not sure I like there being 5 Fridays in a month – its the day off for staff in Dubai ………………………… and I still have to pay them !!!!
Money bags

This year, July has 5 Fridays, 5 Saturdays and 5 Sundays. This happens
once every 823 years. This is called money bags. So, forward this to
your friends and money will arrive within 4 days. Based on Chinese
Feng Shui. The one who does not forward…..will be without money.

Kinda interesting – read on!!!

This year we’re going to experience four unusual dates.

1/1/11, 1/11/11, 11/1/11, 11/11/11 and that’s not all…

Take the last two digits of the year in which you were born – now add
the age you will be this year,

The results will be 111 for everyone in whole world. This is the year of the Money!!!

WORLD SURVEY BY PHONE

Last month a world-wide survey was conducted by the UN.

The only question asked was:

“Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?”

The survey was a huge failure because of the following:

1. In Eastern Europe they didn’t know what “honest” meant.
2. In Western Europe they didn’t know what “shortage” meant.
3. In Africa they didn’t know what “food” meant.
4. In China they didn’t know what “opinion” meant.
5. In the Middle East they didn’t know what “solution” meant.
6. In South America they didn’t know what “please” meant.
7. In the USA they didn’t know what “the rest of the world” meant..
8. In UK they hung up as soon as they heard the Indian accent

In an Indian restaurant last night having a meal, waiter came over and says, ‘Curry Ok?’ I said, ‘go on then, just one song then bugger off’

I was sat in a restaurant and got hit on the back of the head by a prawn cocktail. I looked round and this bloke shouts, ‘That’s just for starters!’

Firemen have just rescued an Irish man with his penis stuck in a condom machine. They asked him what happened and he said, ‘the sign says, insert £2 and push knob in’.
Yoko Ono has been signed up for the next series of ‘I’m a celebrity, get me out of here!’ Show bosses think she will do really well since she’s been living off a dead Beatle for the last thirty years.

Got myself a new Jack Russell puppy, he’s mainly black and brown with a small white patch, so I’ve named him Birmingham

Tesco think of everything
One day, in line at the works cafeteria, Jack says to Mike behind him ‘My elbow hurts like hell.
I suppose I’d better see a doctor!’

Listen mate; don’t waste your time down at the surgery, Mike replies.
There’s a diagnostic computer at Tesco.
Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what’s wrong, and what to do about it.
It takes ten seconds and only costs five quid….a lot quicker and better than a doctor and you get Clubcard points’.

So Jack collects a urine sample in a small jar and
takes it to Tesco.
He deposits five pounds and the computer lights up
and asks for the urine sample.
He pours the sample into the slot and waits.
Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:
‘You have tennis elbow.
Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity.
It will improve in two weeks’.

That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Jack began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and ‘pleasured himself’ into the mixture for good measure.
Jack hurried back to Tesco, eager to check what would happen.

He deposits five pounds, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results with a grin.
The computer prints the following:
1) Your tap water is too hard.
Get a water softener.
2) Your dog has ringworm.
Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
3) Your daughter has a cocaine habit.
Get her into rehab.
4) Your wife is pregnant.
Twins.
They aren’t yours.
Get a lawyer.
5) And if you don’t stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better….

Thank you for shopping at Tesco

Six Classic Affairs

The 1st Affair:
A married man was having an affair with his secretary.
One day they went to her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM.
The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.
He put on his shoes and drove home.
“Where have you been?” his wife demanded.
“I can’t lie to you,” he replied, “I’m having an affair with my secretary. We had sex all afternoon.”
“You lying bastard!
You’ve been playing golf!”

The 2nd Affair:

A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son.
They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.
The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.
The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son.
He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.
He told his wife, “There’s no way I can be the father of this baby.
Look at the two beautiful daugh ters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my back?”
The wife smiled sweetly and replied, ” Not this time!”

The 3rd Affair:

A mortician was working late one night.
He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, about to be cremated, and made a startling discovery.
Schwartz had the largest private part he had ever seen!
“I’m sorry Mr. Schwartz,” the mortician commented,
“I can’t allow you to be cremated with such an impressive private part.
It must be saved for posterity.”
So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home.
“I have to show you something you won’t believe,” he said to his wife, opening his briefcase.
“My God!” the wife exclaimed, “Schwartz is dead?!?!”

The 4th Affair:

A woman was in bed with h er lover when she heard her husband opening the front door.
“Hurry,” she said, “Stand in the corner.”
She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder.
“Don’t move until I tell you,” she said. “Pretend you’re a statue.”
“What’s this?” the husband inquired as he entered the room.
“Oh, it’s a statue.” she replied. “The Smith’s bought one and I liked it so much I got one for us, too.”
No more was said, not even when they went to bed.
Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer.
“Here,” he said to the statue, “Have this. I stood like that for two days at the Smith’s and nobody offered me a damned thing.”
The 5th Affair:

A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer.
“Certainly, Sir, that’ll be one cent.”
“One Cent?” the man thought.
He glanced at the menu and asked, “How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?”
“A nickel,” the barman replied.
“A nickel?” exclaime d the man. “Where’s the guy who owns this place?”
The bartender replied, “Upstairs, with my wife.”
The man asked, “What’s he doing upstairs with your wife?”
The bartender replied,
“The same thing I’m doing to his business down here.”

The 6th Affair:

Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.
He looked up and said weakly, “I have something I must confess.”
“There’s no need to,” his wife replied.
“No,” he insisted, “I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!”
“I know, I know,” she replied. “Now just rest and let the poison work.”

Currency Corner:
Nothing much to say here this week except the Euro and PIG debt crisis will NOT go away and so I see little reason – even rising interest rates in Europe – for a strengthening Euro. Maybe a dip below 1.40 over the next few weeks
Sterling remains my currency purchase of choice
Equity Corner :
Give me another couple of weeks. I will find a replacement investment for us to compensate for the Irish Life disaster. It is interesting that all the financial journalists are now saying that the Irish Life case is a complete mishandled disaster and that the Company needs nowhere near the Euro 4 billion being demanded by the Regulator. Shareholders have been ‘robbed’ and the Board of the Company have been completely delinquent. Real shame as when you have to distress sell something – in this case the life company – the price is obviously significantly softer than in a normal sale environment.
I like MAN Group in the UK although after yesterdays good results (and 3% rise in the shares) the upside is now probably only 10/15% – over the next 6 months.

Did you know : a) Manitoulin Island is the largest island in a fresh water lake. It is located Lake Superior in Canada b) the sperm count of the average American male is 30 per cent lower than it was 30 years ago (their fathers era !!) c) the Shroud of Turin is the single most studied artefact in human history d) Gorilla’s are ape’s not monkeys. The difference between monkeys and apes is that apes do not have tails and e) Influenza caused over twenty on million deaths in 1918 (yes in just one year)

Thoughts for the week : a) The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less b) It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser c) It’s your attitude and not your aptitude that determines your altitude d) Never let formal education get in the way of learning

Biggest change in Dubai/Dublin this week :
Well apart from the weather getting on the ‘hot side’ (42 degrees two days this week), the financial condition of the economy continues to improve. As I have said many times Dubai has almost invisibly ‘repaired’ itself. It has probably been the single greatest beneficiary of the various Sovereign problems in North Africa and the Middle East – in terms of ‘flight capital’, jobs and general investment. Additionally the Chinese have started a love affair with the country/city – they are the fastest growing group of new investors, tourists and residents.
But Dubai has not had to sell any of its ‘furniture’ in its financial rehabilitation. Just think of the money it could raise if it needed to repay its debts in full (and still have a substantial surplus). It has a wonderful Airport, Airline, Duty Free business, Water , Electricity , Telecommunication, Banking, Hospitality, Oil, Toll road, internal Transport, Land bank etc assets. NONE of which have had to be sold – and today they have a much higher market value than they would have had in the distressed days of November 2009. And as the new company and visa registrations hit new highs, none of these assets will need to be sold.
On other item of ‘local news’ is that the new paid parking system in Abu Dhabi does NOT have the same favourable practice that exists in Dubai. There is no ‘free period’ between 1 pm and 4 pm. Is Abu Dhabi stuck for money !!!!

Reflections from the week :
Have you ever thought about the origin of the word butterfly ? Why do we call these wonderful insects by this name. Well don’t expect me to answer it for you. Do a Google. I did and got confused with the fact that so many explanations are possible, and I did not really like any of them !!!! Just enjoy them and think not why we call them what we do. I mean did you ever really stop to ask why the local yobs tend to be call ‘Rasher’ !!!
And while in the territory of strangeness did you know that there is a ailment known as Foreign Accent Syndrome. And last week a Mrs Colwill – from the heartland of England – a regular migraine sufferer, attracted the attention of medical experts from around the world who have diagnosed her as suffering from this rare condition. Apparently changes in the brain that occurred during a migraine attack have affected her patterns of speech so severely that even her closest friends are unable to recognise her voice or what she is saying. Not sure what all the fuss is about, I have a few friends who suffer the same condition after a ‘night out’ !!

Anyhow the first case of Foreign Accent Syndrome (or FAS – hehehe) was reported in Norway in 1941 when a young woman suffered a shrapnel injury to the brain during an air raid and began speaking with a strong German accent (well how is that surprising. It came from a German weapon !!).
And back to England a young man known as George (1955) suffered a mild stroke – he spoke standard Cockney English like the rest of his family – and after recovering his power of speech, George found his voice had changed involuntarily beyond all recognition. He started to speak with an Italian accent… “I have never been to Italy…the family thought I was taking the mickey”, he said.

Researchers at Oxford University have found that patients with “foreign accent syndrome” seem to share certain characteristics which might explain the problem (J**us this has got a lot ‘heavier’ a subject than I intended it to be). A small number of them all had tiny areas of damage in various parts of the brain. This might explain the combination of subtle changes to vocal features such as lengthening of syllables, altered pitch or mispronounced sounds which make a patient’s pronunciation sound similar to a foreign accent.
Ah hear lets forget this subject. It sounded much more interesting when I started to read and write about it. But at least now you know such a ‘syndrome’ exists. Over the weekend see how many people in ‘your local’ suffer from this ‘rarity’. Not so rare in Cork I suspect !!!

And here is something else I bet you did not know. There are over 4,000 cases of Leprosy in the USA. And we all thought this disease ended in the Bible. And apparently science now thinks that many of the earlier cases of this disease were actually syphilis. Ah now come-on. Stop acting the Mick. I mean who was ever embarrassed going to their doctor with Leprosy !!!

I wonder what disease Mr Strauss Khan was suffering from last week. The former IMF chief seemed to think that he was Bill Clinton or Sylvio Berlusconi (two of the worlds best know ‘teflon’ leaders). And apart from him finding it difficult to control the lower parts of his body as he emerges naked from a nice cold morning shower WHAT was the chief of an institution which provides ‘last lender’ support to Sovereigns around the planet doing in a $ 3000 a night hotel suite and travelling FIRST class on airlines. I mean the IMF is supposed to be ‘Vincent de Paulish’. But it seems that ‘these guys/bankers’ make enough money to treat themselves very nicely. Is the IMF not the Master of Sovereign austerity ?
Now back to the bedroom, so to speak. So, this cockroach (if I am allowed to use such an expression) expects Ireland to tighten its belt at the very time when he is ‘un-buckling’ his. I mean it makes it all so difficult to swallow – sorry I guess that is another word that I should not use in the context of this story !!!
Now that this mans career is over, I wonder if the money saved on his expenses could be directed to help Ireland’s financial problem.
The whole sleazy episode does however ‘smell’. Yep I come from a world of the ‘suspicious’ and ‘sceptical’. Yep I fully subscribe to the conspiracy theorists on this one. Am I right Mr or should I say President Sarkozy !!!!!

In an action packed week, can I congratulate Jedward for representing us so well at last weekend’s Eurovision Song Contest. Just nice, if naive, young kids. I have to mention the Queen visit to Ireland. Wonderful four days and a wonderful woman – and I say that as somebody who has never had any time for the British Monarchy. A wonderful woman for her age and some very touching (which is something apparently you are not allowed to do to the Queen) moments. Congratulations to all associated with the organisation of the visit.
And with the end of these two events the ‘turbo charged’ world of Irish life does not stop. That well known blackman who has done so well for us ‘overseas’ is coming home for 24 hours. Yep good old Barack Obama is ‘coming home’ in the week ahead. Sure isn’t his hometown full of ‘lookalikes’. And then we have Leinster in the Heineken Cup final – to be followed by the same team (well some will probably not make it) contesting the Magners Cup final against ‘monsters’, sorry Munster !!

I really get passionately upset, particularly when you hear the ‘expenses’ above, with discussion on the debate of an interest rate reduction on Irelands bail-out cash. It is only a reduction of funding cost. Nothing to do with our ability to repay at some stage in the future. AND it is ONLY on the bailout money – 20% of which is being provided by Ireland itself. The bailout money is also less than half our total National debt. So PLEASE Enda (and team) do NOT let the reduction in loan interest be the objective – particularly given that any result will be seen by the French and Germans as a LARGE concession to our Country. Unless the interest rate is reduced ‘to’ 1% rather than ‘by’, just ignore these bullies. Sorry but this would be the first large mistake of the new Irish Coalition Government. Keep our battle (and favours) for the REAL event. A restructuring. Something everybody in Europe, except those in France who thankfully have got exposed this week for what is important in their world, ‘silently’ knows needs to and WILL happen at some stage.
I was watching a documentary on Mohammad Ali during the week and the wonderfulness of his ‘quotes’ from his boxing days brought some smiles into my world. And me be the caring type I thought some of these might help you get through your weekend. So here we are :
• If my mind can conceive it, and my heart can believe it – then I can achieve it.
• The man with no imagination has no wings.
• It’s just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up.
• What you’re thinking is what you’re becoming.
• The Service you do for others is the rent you pay for your room here on Earth.
• The best way to make your dreams come true is to wake up.
• Don’t count the days, make the days count.
• The man who views the world at 50 the same as he did at 20 has wasted 30 years of his life.
• It’s hard to be humble when you’re as great as I am.
• If they can make penicillin out of moldy bread, then they can sure make something out of you.
• I am the greatest, I said that even before I knew I was.
• Silence is golden when you can’t think of a good answer.
• Wars of nations are fought to change maps. But wars of poverty are fought to map change.
• I Ain’t Got No Quarrel With The VietCong…No VietCong Ever Called Me Nigger (I really like that one !!)
• Allah is the Greatest. I’m just the greatest boxer.

And how do we end after all that deep thinking stuff. But alas we have to
Finally can the Irish Government declare one day in the week to be a ‘Happy News Day’. A day in which the cockroach media and grim reaper journalists are not allowed to speak or talk anything but ‘good news’. And there would be a financial fine or prison term for any breach of this ‘law’.
Finally finally the UAE has introduced stringent new rules on microwave ovens. Good idea. I never liked the idea of having a ‘radiation chamber’ in the kitchen.
Boring event or person of the week – new section :
Jean Claude Trichet wins this weeks award. A man who should win it regularly – being boring comes so naturally to him – has had to wait till this week to get this ‘prestigious’ award.
He single handedly destroyed the Irish banking system and he now wants to deny Greece one of the only solutions that might work in allowing the country recover from its massive debts. WHEN will he wake up to the point that the PIG debts cannot be repaid without some level of restructuring and his role in this mess, requires that the ECB plays a role. There is no need for him to feel sorry for himself that the ECB will be the victim of some of this restructuring.
So Mr Trichet. Get over it and stop moaning.
Fun Corner
Some old ones but there are also some fresh new ones in this group

I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!!
At least I presume she was poor – she only had £1.20 in her purse.

My girlfriend thinks that I’m a stalker.
Well, she’s not exactly my girlfriend yet.
I woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at the foot of my bed.
At first I was afraid……. then I was petrified.

What’s the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman?
One’s a superhero and the other is an instruction.

A geordie and a Yank aid worker are helping out in Japan
Yank says, “You from round here, buddy?”
“No,” he replies, “Newcastle”
“What State’s that in?” asks the Yank.
“Pretty much the same as this f*ckin place!

A farmer gets a phone call from his son. I’ve run over a pig and its stuck under the tractor still alive…shoot it says the farmer, and then bury it….about 20mins later he gets another call…done that, what should I do with his speed camera and motorbike

Close your eyes and ears for this one.

My sexy Chinese neighbour told me she was desperate for a roger.
It was only when I had my trousers round my ankles and my c*ck out, that I realised she wanted to rent her spare room out!!

The Japanese government have thanked Britain for the rescue dogs they sent out .
They said they were delicious !!

I bought the wife a Memory Stick, it’s great!
She hasn’t forgotten my beer, dinner or sex once since the first beating.

Teacher to class: “Children, we are all descendants of Adam and Eve”
Pupil: “But Miss, my mummy & daddy said we came from the apes.”
Teacher: “Stay out of this one Leroy, I’m not talking about your f**king lot.”

Bloke walks into a pub and asks for a pint of anything except Stella. Barman asks, “What’s wrong with Stella?” Bloke says, “I had 12 pints of Stella last night and when I came round I was f**king skint.”
Barman says, “12 pints of anything costs about the same.”
Bloke replies, “Skint’s my dog.”

A wife says to her husband, “You’re always pushing me around and talking behind my back”.
He says, “What do you expect? You’re in a wheelchair”.

I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature.
She said “I would like to come back as a cow”.
I said, “You’re obviously not listening”.

The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst.
So I’ve been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.

Hi I don’t want you to panic but I’m texting you from the casualty.
Turns out the new Dyson Ball cleaner isn’t what I thought it was.

I think I gave you most of these recently but they always bring a smile to my face
A passenger of mine recently sent me an email about some engineers reports who had been sent in by the pilots when they had noticed a problem with the plane.

Problem – Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
Solution – Almost replaced left inside main tyre.

Problem – Test flight ok, except autoland very rough
Solution – Autoland not installed on this aircraft.

Problem – No. 2 propeller seeping prop fluid.
Solution – No. 2 propeller seepage normal. No.s 1, 3 and 4 lack normal seepage.

Problem – Something loose in cockpit.
Solution – Something tightened in cockpit.

Problem – Dead bugs on windshield.
Solution – Live bugs on backorder.

Problem – Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent.
Solution – Cannot reproduce problem on the ground.

Problem – Evidence of a leak on right main landing gear.
Solution – Evidence removed.

Problem – DME volume unbelievably loud.
Solution – DME volume set to a more believable level.

Problem – Friction lock s cause throttle levers to stick.
Solution – That’s what they are there for!

Problem – IFF inoperative
Solution – IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

Problem – Suspected crack in windscreen
Solution – Suspect you’re right

Problem – Number 3 engine missing.
Solution – Engine found on right wing after brief search

Problem – Aircraft handles funny
Solution – Aircraft warned to “straighten up, fly right and be serious.”

Problem – Target radar hums
Solution – Reprogrammed target radar with words.

Problem – Mouse in cockpit.
Solution – Cat installed

A firefighter was working on the engine outside the station, when he noticed a little girl nearby in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides, and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.

The girl was wearing a firefighter helmet. The wagon was being pulled by her dog and her cat. The firefighter walked over to take a closer look.

‘That sure is a nice fire truck,’ the firefighter said with admiration..
‘Thanks,’ the girl replied.
The firefighter looked a little closer. The girl had tied the wagon to her dog’s collar and to the cat’s testicles..

‘Little partner,’ the firefighter said, ‘I don’t want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat’s collar, I think you could go faster.’

The little girl replied thoughtfully, ‘You’re probably right, but then I wouldn’t have a siren.’

A man calls home to his wife and says, “Honey, I have been asked to fly to Canada with my boss and several of his friends for fishing. We’ll be gone for a long weekend. This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I’ve been wanting so could you please pack enough clothes for a 3-day weekend”..

And also would you get out my rod and tackle box from the attic ?

We’re leaving at 4:30 pm from the office and I will swing by the house to pick my things up.

‘Oh! And please pack my new navy blue silk pajamas.’

The wife thinks this sounds a bit odd, but, being the good wife she does exactly what her husband asked.

Following the long weekend he came home a little tired, but, otherwise, looking good. The wife welcomes him home and asks if he caught many fish?

He says, ‘Yes! Lots of Walleyes, some Bass, and a few Pike.

He said but why didn’t you pack my new blue silk pajamas like I asked you to do?
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The wife replies, “I did, they’re in your tackle box” ooooppppppsssss

HOLY PROSTITUTES
A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign out of the corner of his eye….It reads:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
10 MILES

He thinks this is a figment of his imagination and drives on without a second thought….

Soon he sees another sign which reads:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
5 MILES

Suddenly he begins to realize that these signs are for real and drives past a third sign saying:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
NEXT RIGHT

His curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive. On the far side of the parking lot is a stone building with a small sign next to the door reading:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS

He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by a nun in a long black habit who asks, ‘What may we do for you my son?’

He answers, ‘I saw your signs along the highway and was interested in possibly doing business….’

‘Very well my son. Please follow me.’ He is led through many winding passages and is soon quite disoriented. The nun stops at a closed door and tells the man, ‘Please knock on this door.’

He does so and another nun in a long habit, holding a tin cup answers the door… This nun instructs, ‘Please place $100 in the cup then go through the large wooden door at the end of the hallway.’

He puts $100 in the cup, eagerly trots down the hall and slips through the door pulling it shut behind him.

The door locks, and he finds himself back in the parking lot facing another sign:

GO IN PEACE. YOU HAVE JUST BEEN
SCREWED BY THE SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS.
SERVES YOU RIGHT, YOU SINNER

Currency Corner:
Surprise surprise the European debt situation HAS finally had some impact on the Euro/$. I do however think that interest rates will come back into the investment and trading thinking over the Summer. And with inflation becoming a growing problem in Euroland, you can expect the arrogant and pompous Jean Claude Trichet to resume increasing interest rates. So short term I see the currency going back to 1.45 before returning to sub 1.40 as the debt picture returns to centre stage.
The UK is going through a good month bad month phase. Every good economic story is followed a confusingly bad month. It will however emerge with a strong economy and accordingly strong currency. Euro/Sterling ? Going back to 82 in my view.
Equity Corner :
The markets continue to remain resilient. I do however warn to be cautious. There is a lot of good news in current equity prices despite some corporate earnings warnings creeping onto the news canvass.
Unfortunately Irish equities remain in the toilet.
I am looking for a ‘replacement’ to win us back the money lost on Irish Life – who this week had a ‘violent’ AGM where the extent of how poor management is was exposed. Only now are the financial journalists taking the view that there is NO way that Irish Life needs anything near the level of capital demanded by Government/the Regulator. Complete overkill. BUT who is taking the side of the poor destroyed Shareholder ? Yep nobody. But I have written enough about this in the past.
Glad to see Glaxo continue it strong price recovery and Tesco is now up 5% from four weeks ago.
I like the company Invensys as a take-over play. It had a rotten set of results yesterday, but the Chairman is a seasoned campaigner at selling businesses. At ‘successful’ prices.
Hewlett Packard in the US must now be a very smart investment play. It fell 10% this week on a bad ‘outlook’ statement (somewhat Japan related) but it investment in cloud computing and manufacturing infrastructure will ultimately pay dividends.

Thought for the week :   Falling Doesn’t Make You a Failure, Staying Down Does. 

Did you know :   that books can breathe? People visiting the British Museum complained of getting headaches. This was because books seem to absorb or “breathe” in air and “breathe” out smells of their own. There was so many old books in the Museum that there was no fresh air left which meant people got headaches from breathing in bad air !! 

Biggest change in Dubai/Dublin this week :

Nothing really to report this week, except that there seems to be growing consensus that Dubai is ‘alive’ again. Increasing frustrations with traffic (never thought this would make me happy), having to book restaurants in advance (even where I am known), queues at Labour and Immigration Depts, greater occupancy levels in office and residential buildings etc are all speaking to the Dubai recovery. Add to this the oil find that has been ‘hidden’ for the past 9 months and I would hope to see 2011 being the best year (economically and from investor perspective) for Dubai in 4 years.

All we need now is a change in the licensing rules at Jumeirah Lake Towers and you will see property there become the location of greatest investment returns across Dubai. Property in JLT is currently ‘on the canvass’ – usually a good time to buy. 

Reflections from the week :

So this is likely to be the LAST time that British/Irish/Australian/Kiwi etc readers will be adjusting their clock times in the Autumn (or Spring in Southern Hemisphere). But tomorrow my Northern Hemisphere friends could be ‘turning back their clocks’ for the last time. So enjoy that extra hour in bed.

It will mean that for the next six months, the UAE will now be four hours ahead of the UK/Ireland. That has both benefits and negatives. On the negative side it means that the 2.35 am Etihad flight to Dublin will now arrive at 6 am in the morning – which will prove much too early for my friends who want breakfast or for going direct to the office. 

And so we only have two months left in the current year. Within days the Christmas decorations will appear in the Dubai shopping malls and we will all be worrying about affording the presents expected by all around us. In Dubai the ‘big Eid’ (the major Muslim holiday) will start in just over two weeks time. And my cleaning company will lose 4 ds income !!! Life !! 

Somebody not worried about money or ‘the clock’ is the footballer from ‘the ugly tree’ Wayne Rooney. Fresh from his new salary windfall (nearly £250,000 PER WEEK) where do you think he decided to celebrate ? Yes Dubai. And yes the Burj al Arab. And so in the interest of ‘earning’ your respect, I headed off to the Burj. NOT to his room but just to the ‘periphery’. The Burj beach. The Burj swimming pool. The Sky Bar. All the lobbies. The washrooms. After many wasted hours, my efforts were unexpectedly rewarded. At the front door of the hotel. As I was waiting for my car to be returned to me. I almost didn’t notice him, until I thought to myself ‘boy there is a really ugly guy with a very attractive girl’. While this is not a very unusual experience in Dubai this was ‘Premiership Ugly !! And then my brain woke up. Yes it was the ‘granny loving’ Manchester United money grabbing star. And yes Colleen is ‘from a different tree’. She is attractive, without being ‘Burj Class’. 

And on the subject of school (Ok I know that is a jump), did you know that there are 77 million children in the world who do not get the benefit of schooling or education. 

Another guy on my ‘hit list’ this week will be Tom Cruise. He is here for Dubai Film Week. He will probably be easier to locate. I suspect he enjoys the existence of mirrors more than Wayne does. I have seen Cruise interviewed many times and on balance I think I would prefer to be ugly and Wayne than Mr Cruise. 

So Mum not a bad week with the Stars. 

Now just a little about Ireland and the economy. Sorry but I will keep this short. As Irish Sovereign debt hit new highs, it appears that the Government remains incapable (and/or un-wanting) of making any decisions that could help restore some economic confidence and belief in the country. And there are some good stories around. But I guess they are better ‘released’ when the Government eventually decides to call a General Election (or by-elections). It is really heart-breaking and stomach churning to watch this destruction with no attempt to remedy the problem.

And just one other observation before moving on to other serious matters. It would be really nice if NAMA was permitted to deliver the role it was established for. To strip the toxic loans from the main banks to allow these banks to resume core lending (I accept that the scale and quality of these loans were a lot greater than originally expected) and to ‘manage’ these, essentially property assets, back into the market over a 10 to 15 year period – thus reducing the negative impacts of ‘market flooding’ and distress selling. So please let NAMA return to this mandate and cease the political pressure and interference. And please also allow Irish people/companies a fair shot at buying these assets. Any price recovery in the value of these assets (in the years ahead) is better in Irish rather than foreign hands.

The country really does need an oil find. Quickly. And one that it has not sold all the rights to. 

Now enough of this. 

It seems Tiger Woods is now himself going to be NO 2. Wonder how he will feel this weekend as he loses the World Number 1 position. At least he will only fall to No 2. Not like his poor ex-wife Elin, who seems to have had a high double digit number on her jersey. 

Another person feeling pressure on his No 1 spot is Barrack Obama. As the UK heads into its mid term elections his Democratic Party is under pressure greater than would be experienced by Wayne Rooney at a beauty pageant. To give you a feel for how much trouble the US is in, Sarah Palin has abandoned the Republican party and set up the ‘Tea Party’. I joke you not. And the ‘sad’, if inevitable because we are talking about America, thing is that this TEA PARTY is winning enormous support across each State. Yep the most powerful country on the Planet, is a strange place. 

And on the subject of bikes (no Sarah, not you) did you know the first bicycle that was made in 1817 by Baron von Drais didn’t have any pedals? People walked it along. Yes, holding its hand, like a gf or bf !! Maybe THAT is where ‘the expression’ came !!!

The tallest clock tower in the world will soon be completed and functioning in Mekkah. It will be 333 meters high and the daily Muslim call to prayer will be heard up to 10 miles away. Dubai will itself soon have the SECOND tallest tower in the world (it already has the tallest in Burj Khaliffa) when the tower beside Le Reve at Dubai Marina is completed. Princess Tower – also at the Marina and due for completion in 2012 – will become the tallest residential tower in the world. Despite all the problems levelled at Dubai, it remains at the centre of iconic buildings around the world. And remember Dubai is a smaller city than Liverpool. 

Did you know that Benjamin Franklin, the American, started the first lending library. Sadly libraries are soon to become a museum product. 

Also did you know that Chocolate kills dogs!  It is true. Chocolate affects a dog’s heart and nervous system; a few ounces are enough to kill a small dog. Now you know. 

Now I am really sorry but I have to rush. So I will have to cut this weeks news short.

But a couple of quickies for you before I go. 

Did you see that the girl who got herself into the Guinness Book of Records for her hiccups faces the death penalty. No not for ‘torturing’ or ‘hiccup terrifying’ anybody. Apparently she is a murderer. With a gun rather than her hiccups.

Then there is another girl who this week married herself, because she could not find any man who was ‘worthy’. She hit the headlines with her decision as a ‘first’. But in my life I have seen many guys who loved themselves more than the women they married. But I guess nobody told them about ‘this option’ !! 

Finally At an estimated population of 40 million, there are more than twice as many kangaroos as people in Australia. There are more than 50 different kinds of kangaroos.

Finally finally the 92 year old Ruler of the Emirate of Ras al Khaimah died this week. 

Lucifer or Saint of the week Corner : 

Saint of the week  goes to Colleen Rooney. For forgiving her £250,000 per week husband. 

Fun Corner

Police in Leeds last night announced the discovery of an arms cache of 2,000 semi-automatic rifles with 250,000 rounds of ammunition, 10 anti-tank missiles, 4 grenade launchers, 20 tonnes of heroin, £50 million in forged UK banknotes and 25 trafficked Ukrainian prostitutes, all in a semi-detached house behind the Public Library in Gipton . Local residents were stunned.

A community spokesman said: “We’re deeply shocked. We never knew we had a library!”

An old Italian man lived alone in the country. He wanted to dig his tomato
garden, but it was very hard work as the ground was hard. His only son,
Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison.
The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

Dear Vincent,
I am feeling pretty badly because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my
tomato garden this year. I’m just getting too old to be digging up a garden
plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would be
happy to dig the plot for me.Love, Dad

A few days later he received a letter from his son:

Dear Dad,
Don’t dig up that garden. That’s where I buried the bodies.
Love, Vinnie

At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and  dug
up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man
and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son:

Dear Dad,
Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That’s the best I could do under the circumstances.
Love you, Vinnie………

As I Mature

I’ve learnt that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.

I have learnt that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes

I have learnt that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.

I have learnt that you can get by on charm for about 15 minutes. After that, you’d better have a big willy or huge boobs.

I’ve learnt that you shouldn’t compare yourself to others – they are more screwed up than you think

I’ve learnt that you can keep vomiting long after you think you have finished

I’ve learnt that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities

I’ve learnt that regardless how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades, and there had better be a lot of money to take its place

I’ve learnt that 99% of the time when something isn’t working in your house, one of your kids did it

I’ve learnt that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away

 Do you know the name of the Seven Dwarfs of Menopause ?

Itchy, Bitchy, Sweaty, Sleepy, Bloated, Forgetful and Psycho. 

CURTAIN RODS 

She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.  

On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things. 

On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candle-light, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of spring-water. 

When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar into the hollow of the  curtain rods .

She then cleaned up the kitchen and left. When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days.

Then slowly, the house began to smell.  

They tried everything; cleaning, mopping and airing the place out. 

Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were steam cleaned.

Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting. Nothing worked

People stopped coming over to visit.
Repairmen refused to work in the house. The maid quit.

Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move. 

A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house.

Word got out and eventually even the local realtors refused to return their calls.

Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.  

The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going.

He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back. 

Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day.

She agreed and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork. 

A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home………

And to  spite  the ex-wife, they even took the curtain rods!!!!!!

And while on ‘the subject’ an old but great one. 

The Divorced Barbie Doll
One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he suddenly remembers that it’s his daughter’s birthday. He pulls over to a Toy Shop and asks the sales person, ‘How much for one of those Barbie’s in the display window?’ The salesperson answers, ‘Which one do you mean, Sir? We have: Work Out Barbie for $19.95, Shopping Barbie for $19.95, Beach Barbie for $19.95, Disco Barbie for $19.95, Ballerina Barbie for $19.95, Astronaut Barbie for $19.95, Skater Barbie for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.95′.

The amazed father asks: ‘It’s what?! Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.95 and the others only $19.95?’

The annoyed salesperson rolls her eyes, sighs, and answers: ‘Sir…, Divorced Barbie comes with: Ken’s Car, Ken’s House, Ken’s Boat, Ken’s Furniture, Ken’s Computer, one of Ken’s Friends, and a key chain made with Ken’s balls. 

Currency Corner :

A little better week for the US$. And I expect continued ‘gradual’ improvement against the Euro over the final two months of the year. The markets generally are in ‘false’ territory at  the moment with many countries freely managing their currencies weaker. The Euro is the only currency losing out on this ‘massaging’. The current value of the Euro will NOT help Germany. And in any event the US currency is now under valued.

As I said two weeks ago, Sterling is now undervalued. And so this week we saw a nice 1.5 pence bounce in the currency vs the Euro. 

Equity Corner :

The markets remain ‘changeable’, so be careful. While there still seems to be an upward feel, this could all change so quickly as the reality of Government borrowings, deficits and unemployment numbers continue to remain in ‘concern territory’. So as I have recommended in recent weeks it is time to be careful.

One of my ‘old tips’ had an awful week.  Glaxo was £13.30 only 8 days ago and is now nearly £1 lower (there is a 16 pence dividend in the price). Pharma’s tend not to do well if the general market is healthy, so maybe we need some more ‘uncertainty’ to see Glaxo spring to life again. After its recent results there were many broker upgrades and now seems like a good time to buy the stock – which has good yield support – on a three month view.

Irish stocks followed the pattern of Irish credit default swap costs. As Sovereign yields rose, Irish stocks suffered. There is not REALLY good value in Irish stocks. But only if you have patience. Patience = up to 6 months. Bank of Ireland and Irish Life & Permanent remain my favourite picks – while at all times remembering I have never been a fan of the illiquid (and vulnerable) Irish  stock market.

Have you seen the Prudential share price recently. £6.30. Please take some profits if you have not already (strongly tipped here at £4.20). There is always the chance of a ‘break up’ or Chinese acquisition of the Company, so keep some. Any such move would bring out a price north of £8.