Home Thoughts From Dubai

Did you know : a) there are six American flags ‘planted’ on the Moon – Apollo’s 12 through to 17 inclusive (Apollo 13 – suffered from ‘unlucky 13’) b) the first couple to appear in bed together on TV were Fred and Wilma Flinstone c) ‘I am’ is the shortest complete sentence in the English language d) half of all Americans live within 60 miles of their birthplace – no surprising and e) Al Capone’s business card said he was a used furniture dealer
Thoughts for the week : a) its amazing what you can achieve when you don’t care who gets the credit b) Whenever a man does a thoroughly stupid thing it is always from the noblest motive c) People don’t fail, they give up d) a friend walks in when everyone else walks out and e) A smile is an inexpensive way to change your looks
Biggest change in Dubai/Dublin this week :
Irish Government Departments are unfortunately full of THE MOST under-comp**ent and inc**able of taking the country out of its current financial and recovery predicament. They have grown up in a ‘community’ where they were not trained to understand how to respond to the problems that hit them, and the country, over three years ago. If you are brought up in Harlam, or other ‘troubled’ US City, you see nothing wrong breaking into cars, banks or assaulting people on the street. And hence those in Irish Government Depts are full of people who are ‘blind’ ………… and stubbornly unprepared for change, sacrifice and seeking forgiveness. There is NOW a frighteningly urgent need for ‘private sector achievers’ to be taken into the ranks of Government Depts at the HIGHEST level (not low ranking people who will with time become as contaminated and corrupted as those who have spent their career lifetime becoming comatose)
And what a shame. The current Government are doing such a great job. But their thinking, scripting and actions are so controlled by those who are at the centre of everything that happens in Government. It is not possible for our senior politicians to implement ideas or take actions that they believe in or that can make a real difference when the ‘microchip’ at the centre of all that can happen is attempting to ensure these things don’t happen. Remember Yes Minister. Or Yes Prime Minister. Well this is, regrettably, what Government is all about. BUT Ireland needs something radically different. But alas my words will disappear in the same way as the memories of Robert Emmett or the many other Patriots the country has been blessed with.
Even today, three years on from the signing of ‘the Guarantee’ that left the financial problems we have today enormously greater than they might have been, Government Depts still control our lives with the same ‘level of restricted thinking’. I won’t go into the many decisions over the past three months alone that will with time prove to have been the wrong choice.
When I read that Kevin Cardiff (previously a senior member in the very Dept that has miserably and unrepentantly failed Ireland and its people) is about to get a senior overpaid job in the EU, I again start to feel that suicide or euthanasia have merits. WHY ? HOW ? WHO makes these decisions. In the private sector if you fail, it banishes you to a place of other failed people. Failure is NOT rewarded.
Time for a change. Or PURGE. What is wrong with having greater numbers of Private Sector people involved in Government. It has worked in many other countries in the world. Lets

Reflections from the week :
Now I am VERY sorry about how Ireland centric this weeks HT is. Sincere apologies but I promise to be back to great internationalisation for the next edition. So please forgive me this week.
And so something new for my loyal and wonderful Readership. While it is ‘Ireland Centric’ you have to realise a) I am Irish and b) I CARE ….. most of the time !!! And so for the first time ever, I will publish EVERY month two new league tables. Yes highlighting ‘those people’ who deserve to be remembered and recognised by EVERYBODY on the Planet. And so after much reflection (assisted by me being in Ireland a little bit more) I have decided that we should all know who, in my opinion, should get justifiable recognition for their contribution to ‘life’ (or in one group ‘death’). Yes I am going to share with you my view of the ‘good and bad’ in Ireland. Those who cannot get out of bed without reflecting on ‘what damage they can do today’ and those who ‘make a difference’. Yep Ireland used to be known as the ‘Island of Saints and Scholars’. We now have an island of ‘Devils and Doers’. So here goes. Also apologies for the shortened version this week – it has been a busy fortnight and sorry to make you the ‘victims’.
Ireland’s Top Five– of those who are destroying the chances of an Irish Economic Recovery. To be followed below by those (Top 5) who should be bestowed with patriotic medals
1. Sean Quinn – who continues to attempt to cheat the Irish Taxpayer (remember he owes this money to the Taxpayer NOT Anglo Irish Bank. They are just the bailiffs for recovery of money for the Irish people)
2. David McWilliams – who likes to pretend he is positive by promoting events such as the Economic Forum but then continues his ‘Ireland is destroyed’ roadshows – including Dubai last week
3. Morgan Kelly – the Economist who just lives in a world where ‘we should avoid’.
4. Joe Duffy – who uses his overpaid National Radio job to create social dissatisfaction and insurrection
5. George Hook – Newstalk presenter who believes he knows everything about everything. What a ‘class’ act.
And the Top 5 who are the ‘Patriots’
1. Enda Kenny – Prime Minister who just allows each of his wonderful Ministers get on with their job responsibilities (remember these poor Members of Government were given such a cruel challenge and almost impossible economic mess)
2. All the Members of the current Government except ……. particularly Messrs Noonan, Rabitte, Howlin, Quinn, Gilmore, Shatter and Varadkar. Well done.
3. Emirates Airlines CEO (the truly wonderful Sheikh Ahmed) – who will start a route to Ireland from January 2012
4. Emmet Oliver – Irish Independent newspaper who, despite some negative bias, does speak with articulate ‘balance’ – something that is rather rare amongst journalists. I accept he is ‘borderline’ but if we don’t encourage some of ‘these people’ they will never join ‘the clean’
5. The many Irish people who just put the head down and get on with it. Particularly those who own companies and who, despite the cost odd’s stacked against them, make an economic and jobs difference – and thankfully there are so many of them. I will mention some by name in our next league table.
You will probably have gathered from the above that it was easier to produce the ‘sinners’ list. I will also add the observation that on National Radio and TV here virtually ALL of the show hosts/journalists do NOT allow positive thinking people to survive or have a fair hearing on their shows. The country is regrettably run by these tyrannical power-people and much of the positive things that could happen in the country gets suffocated because of ‘fear of the media’. Shame.

But I suppose the news of the week was the death of Colonel Gaddaffi. Dramatic TV scenes gave us an amazing visual of his last moments. You will have got enough of the story yesterday but all I will say here this morning is that how incredible it is that Gaddaffi and his sons stayed in Libya. In his hometown. How easy it would have been for him to escape to a ‘safer’ location. With lots of money. But he stayed, however difficult it might be for many of us to understand, to become a Martyr.
And now Libya, which is one of the richest countries in the world, can expect to be thrown into a Civil War. When this is over (a year or two) Ireland should be able to find a ‘special position’ for its exports, skills and trading.
The ‘death’ this week involved four (they used to be 5) wonderful Irish guys. Guys who brought joy and happiness to so so so many people. Well girls actually. Yes Westlife are dead. Well ‘will die’ is a more correct description. And with that so will the hearts of so many young girls (and a few boys) around the world. Poor Joanne. A lifelong fan. Just as well she has all the CD’s I bought her to remember these guys – who did do Ireland proud. Sad but well done to them for being around more than 10 years – a feat in itself for what is normally an ‘ego infested’ segment of the music industry.

And to happier stories. A little bit of Dubai – where the news …. and the weather is of a different planet. For those of you who ask me ‘show us evidence that Dubai is or has recovered from the worst, here is some ‘evidence’. Asking prices for two- and three-bedroom villas in the Springs community have shot up by as much as 25 per cent since the beginning of the year. This ‘experience’ is also evident for many of the villa’s on the Palm Jumeirah and other villa locations.

Recent research suggests that the UK eats five billion calories A DAY too much. WHAT ? A day ??? Yep. And let me put some ‘graphics’ on this for you. It is the equivalent to 16.9 million McDonald cheeseburgers PLUS 29 million (Starbucks) latte’s. And the population of the UK is only 65 million. Five billion calories ……………….. per day. I wonder what the equivalent would be for our ‘fat friends’ in the USA !!!!!

Finally the Irish Presidential Circus is coming to a close next week. And this poor country will have a ‘clown’ even greater than our previous Prime Minister – Brian Clown himself. Yes regrettably the Country is going to have to carry the embarrassment of ‘numpty President’ in addition to its economic woes.

Finally finally what do you think gives a woman ‘the jollies’. No this has nothing to do with ‘size’ or ‘time’ or ‘looks’. It has all to do with shopping. Ah yeah I hear you say. You should have known. BUT what items do you think they most prefer to shop for ? Well yes, shoes ARE high up on the list. As are ‘Summer dresses’. But it seems that handbags win. It provides the greatest sense of ‘happiness’. So now you know guys. And Christmas is only 9 weeks away. Also in the top 10 were jewellery, nice fitted jeans, a little black dress and concert tickets (not sure how that arrived on the list)

Boring event or person of the week :
No contest. Irish presidential hopeful Dana (yep for you foreign readers the one who represented us in the European song contest sometime back in 1755 !!). She even tried to ‘sex up’ her campaign with some story about a ‘press threat’ to release some story about her (or a member of her family’s past). Yawn. Yawn.

Fun Corner
Saint Peter brings the recently deceased Steve Jobs from Apple Computers through the Gates of Heaven. Everybody looks in awe of this latest ‘resident’. Then St Peter says to Steve there is somebody I want you to meet. They walk over to Moses and St Peter introduces him ‘Moses, can I introduce you to Steve, he will help with upgrading your Tablets’ !!!!

And another ‘Jobs’ one
A few years ago we had Steve Jobs, Bob Hope and Johnny Cash.
Now we have no jobs, no hope and no cash

Last night I reached for my liquid viagra and accidentally swigged from a bottle of Tippex.
I woke this morning with a huge correction ……………………… I really love that one

My wife has got me on a diet of horlicks and viagra, the horlicks makes sure I get a good nights sleep, and the viagra stops me rolling out of bed

This letter was sent to the Kirkcaldy High School Headmaster after the school had sponsored a luncheon for seniors. An elderly lady received a new radio at the lunch as a door raffle prize, and was writing to say thank you.

This story is a credit to all humankind. Forward this to anyone you know who might need a lift today…

Dear Kirkcaldy High School ,

God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent Senior Citizens luncheon. I am 87 years old and live at the Raith Care Home. All of my family has passed away so I am all alone. I want to thank you for the kindness you have shown to a forgotten old lady.

My roommate is 95 and has always had her own radio; but, she would never let me listen to it. She said it belonged to her long dead husband, and understandably, wanted to keep it safe.
The other day her radio fell off the nightstand and broke into a dozen pieces. It was awful and she was in tears.

She asked if she could listen to mine, and I was overjoyed that I could tell her to fuck off.

Thank you for that wonderful opportunity.

God bless you all.

Sincerely,

Isa

Riddles
Q. What is the difference between a Drug Dealer and a Hooker?

A. A Hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

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Q. What’s a mixed feeling?

A. When you see your Mother-In-Law backing off a cliff in your new car.

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Q.. What’s the height of conceit?

A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.

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Q. What’s the definition of ‘Macho’?

A. Jogging home from your vasectomy.

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Q. What’s the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?

A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball

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Q. Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex?

A. They spray paint X’s on the back of the sheep that kick!

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Q. Why is divorce so expensive?

A. Because it’s worth it!

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Q. What is a Yankee?

A. The same as a quickie, but a Guy can do it alone.

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Q. What do Tupperware and a Walrus have in common?

A. They both like a tight seal.

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Q. What do a Christmas tree and a Priest have in common?

A. Their balls are just for decoration.

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Q. What is the difference between ‘ooooooh’ and ‘aaaaaaah’?

A. About three inches.

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Q: What’s the difference between purple and pink?

A. The grip.

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Q. How do you find a Blind Man in a nudist colony?
A. It’s not hard.

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Q: What’s the difference between a Girlfriend and a Wife?

A: 45 pounds.

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Q: What’s the difference between a Boyfriend and a Husband?

A: 45 minutes.

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Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?

A: Breasts don’t have eyes.

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Q: What is the difference between medium and rare?

A: Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare.
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Q. Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
A . They don’t have balls to scratch!
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Another Riddle of the Day

Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one.
Michael J. Fox has a small one.
Madonna doesn’t have one.
The Pope has one but doesn’t use it.
Clinton uses his all the time.
Obama is one.
Mickey Mouse has an unusual one.
Liberace never used his on women..
Jerry Seinfeld is very, very proud of his.
Cher claims that she took on 3.
We never saw Lucy use Desi’s.
What is it?

Answer below!

Give up ???????

Answer ‘A Last Name.’

You didn’t think I’d send you a dirty joke, did you ?

A SHORT… BUT BEAUTIFUL LOVE STORY
A man and a woman who had never met before, but who were both married to other people,
found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train.

Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper berth and she in the lower.
At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying,……….’Ma’am,
I’m sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I’m awfully cold’
‘I have a better idea,’ she replied…. ‘Just for tonight……let’s pretend that we’re married’
‘Wow!……………That’s a great idea!’ he exclaimed…………..
‘Good,’ she replied…………….’Get your own fucking blanket.’
…………..After a moment of silence……….. he farted.
The End.

Currency Corner:
So the Euro volatility continued this week. More ‘Starbuck whispers’ (a reference to traders in London going for a ‘destressing’ coffee and creating a rumour that suits their ‘book’). And with every one a cent is either written off the value or added to the value of a currency. Misquotes. Mis-readings. Misunderstandings. Gossip. Mischiefness. All part of the exploitive landscape of equities, currencies, bonds and other asset instruments.
In my view the Euro is not under any ‘dissolution threat’. The cost to Germany and France of such an event is FAR greater (Euro 1.4 trillion is the current estimate) than supporting through loans (which remember will be repaid – except in Greece’s case – and will not result in a permanent investment or loan write off) the economically fragile sisters/brothers of Spain or Italy.
So you can expect the Euro to strengthen against the US$ and Sterling BUT not before those wonderfully incompetent politicians in Germany and France have given the currency moments of panic and distress. So short term you can expect 1.34/1.38 on the Euro/$ but longer term, we will see a return to the mid forties.
Equity Corner :
Just one tip for you this week. With the markets ultra sensitive to ‘rumours’ and ‘speculation’, it is time to be careful. But I do recommend Smurfit Kappa. A strong buy recommendation yesterday with a valuation estimate twice the current share price gives comfort. Results are next month. And while this share is highly leveraged to global (or more correctly European and American) economic conditions, the price more than discounts this.
Lets start to make some money. Smurfit Kappa will help. If you prefer something ‘more safe’ (in my best English) – go for