Home Thoughts From Dubai

Did you know : a) did you know that area codes (for phones) were only introduced in 1951. In the US of course. b) the 911 emergency number in the USA was only introduced in the late 1960’s and was first known as ‘nine-eleven’ which later had to be ‘changed’ to ‘nine-one-one’ to avoid confusion with people wasting time looking for the ‘11’ button. Only in America !! c) the most expensive phone number ever auctioned is 666-6666 and obtained $2.7 million – sold to a ‘person’ in Qatar d) Apple co-founder Steve Wozniak has the number 888-8888 ….. so go on. Give him a call and e) the phone number from Glenn Millers song Pennsylvania 6-5000 still exists today. And it will get you through to Hotel Pennsylvania. And Alicia Keys mentioned her phone number is a recent song – 489-4608. Now all I need is the pre-fix.
Thoughts for the week : a) feeding your conscience with excuses is like giving sleeping pills to your watchdog b) my wife has added some magic to our marriage …. she has vanished c) if there is a staffing problem at the maternity unit, is it a midwife crisis and d) Those who say it can’t be done are usually interrupted by others doing it and e) It’s your attitude and not your aptitude that determines your altitude
Biggest change in Dubai/Dublin this week :
I am just back from 2 weeks in Dubai and have to report a significant uplift in confidence, road traffic, shopper traffic in shopping malls, car parking congestion, rental pricing in the property market etc etc, all lead to the conclusion that Dubai is well on the path to recovery. And the property estate agents are again buzzing around the bars and restaurants with new confidence and wealth.
Here is a small, but typical, comment from one estate agent in his August publication (he is a Palm Jumeirah specialist)
As we enter Q3 of 2011 I have to say that in general this year has been an amazing turn around in terms of sales activity on The Palm – compared to the same time 12 months ago. We have witnessed a massive increase in Villa sales and prices. And when I last checked with Dubai Land Department there had been a total of 103 Palm villas transferred – about 7% of the total. In just 6 months. And at prices up to 20% higher than 2010. This, alongside all the apartment sales we have witnessed, is surely very encouraging news for the future of The Palm.
This commentary is also true of the Marina and Downtown Dubai (where the Burj Khaliffa is located).
There has also been a spectacular new initiative by the Government to assist with the completion of partially or early stage completion developments where the Developer cannot access the money need to make further construction progress. It is under the ‘guidance’ of the Lands Dept and there is no doubt it brings new faith and comfort to local and overseas investors. It is not about supply increase anymore, investors now want their projects to be completed,” a spokesperson for the Lands Dept says.
He stressed that Real Estate Development plan will supplement other initiatives likes Tayseer (projects that have been guaranteed funding by the Government), which has already signed 48 projects. Majida Ali Rashed, Senior Counsel Strategy, DLD, said in March that the number of projects registered under Tayseer had reached 114.
Tayseer was launched in June last year with 40 projects in Business Bay, Dubai Marina and Jumeirah Lake Towers being approved in the first phase.
This new initiative and move will significantly boost liquidity in the market and bolster confidence in Dubai’s real estate sector

One word of warning for anybody intending to live in the UAE. Please ENSURE you get your National ID card. The Government are about to assault the market to ensure compliance and the penalties for non compliance are severe. It is also worth remembering that work visa’s are now only for a 24 month term.

One little story from last week – since I am being accused of not talking about my personal experiences in Dubai any longer (some readers still remember the ‘Igor Era’ !!). I am sitting in Dubai Immigration Dept (official business) waiting for ticket 2104 to be called when I receive this tap on the shoulder. Upon turning around I see this 20 something young Arab who asks if I would like him to review ‘my papers’. Never being one to upset a ‘Local’, I gave him ‘2104’s documents’.
He was obviously impressed that ALL documents were in order but then hit me with something that nobody really wants to hear ………. particularly at 8.35 in the morning. He looked at me impressed but sad …… ‘Yanny your paper is all very good but it big shame you have work this to immigration. It not right that OLD MAN need do this’. OUCH. Thankfully the rest of the day improved. And Khalid’s phone number is now in my directory !! Despite his ‘youthful’ Arab honesty.

A final piece of news from Dubai is that the Government finances are now ‘fully recovered’. Dubai is now officially about to get its credit rating upgraded – something very unique in the current global credit markets.

Reflections from the week :
This week sadly saw the passing away of Steve Jobs. The man who has changed the type of phone and computer ‘plastic’ we all now slavishly use everyday (I remember a time when these ‘machines’ did not exist). Steve brought ‘touch’ and ‘ease of use’ to the mobile table. He did not create a method that the consumer wanted. He worked on the principle that the consumer needed to be convinced what the needed and therefore wanted. And so the world of computers and mobile phones chased Steve’s ‘way of life’.
Here are a few things you may not have known about this wonderful man, who worked up to 8 weeks ago in the stressful role of one of the worlds largest and most successful companies.
Steve Jobs was a Syrian with the birth name Abdulfattah Jandali. He was adopted by US citizens – Paul and Clara Jobs. He has a famous sister who is the author of several famous books – Mona Simpson. At the age of 30 he was SACKED by Apple Computers. He only drew a salary of $1 per year from Apple – enough to enable him qualify for the company health benefits. He used to drive an ‘unmarked’ Mercedes (not sure how that works !!). Despite being born in Syria (Muslim) and raides in the US (mostly Christian), Steve was a Buddhist in terms of faith. He was the single largest shareholder in Disney (whose products he loved). And a few other ‘quickies’. He was dyslexic, went looking for ‘enlightenment’ in India in 1974, a troublemaker at school (something that might make parents more ‘tolerant’ of theirs !!), loved calligraphy (oh look it up if you don’t know what it is !!), he wore a suit ONCE (an interview with Atari), he had previously been declared DEAD in 2008 (Bloomberg incorrectly announced it over the wires) and he was a fruitarian.
Yes a unique man in so many ways.

Have you ever in a ‘quiet moment’ thought about the future. Not your future. The future of the earth. Or world. Well let me pose some ‘fillers’ for you the next time you have such time available. If the population of the world grows by 9000 every hour of every day, how does that translate into a) the number of new schools that will be needed …. in the future b) the amount of extra food that will be needed c) the hospital additions d) the new jobs that will need to be created or the pressure on Government finances to pay Social Welfare etc etc etc. Yes the population of the world will, at current rates, DOUBLE every 54 years. So TWELVE billion by 2060.
And sticking with age/population, did you know that there are now nearly 13,000 people in the UK that are over 100 years old. Yep. And that is up 9% in 2010 alone. 100 years ago there were only 100 centenarians. And there are expected to be over 100,000 by 2035 – a larger population that virtually every town/city in Ireland. And the expression of ‘super-centenarian’ has not got into the vocabulary – which is anybody over 110 years young. Also have you thought of how this demographic affects the amount of money passed on through inheritances (not only the timing but the fact that ‘these people’ are spending money that you could spend !!!!). But that is the banker in me.
One possible event that may change the pattern of global population growth is Iran. As I have said many many times, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and the tyrants he represents pose a real and immediate threat to world peace and stability. This lunatic and the extreme radicalism of his Masters, WILL result in a war that could become Global. It is interesting that in all the ‘uprisings’ of the past 12 months in the Muslim world, Iranian suppression of its people has ensured that no such ‘freedom’ is achieved by a people who have so much greatness and value to bring to the Planet. And unfortunately the West has ‘spent’ its military might (and finances) on Iraq and Afghanistan, so when the Iran decides to use its ‘atomic and military might’ the world is a weaker place to contain these ‘monsters’.
Now girls I have MULTIPLE good news for you. Cellulite is a thing of the past. Yes just one hour of laser zapping and you will see improvements almost immediately. Yes the Holy Grail for many women (did you know that it can ‘start’ in some women from the age of 20) if here. ‘Orange peel’ thighs, legs, buttocks and even upper arms gone to the same fate as Osama Bin Laden. These fatty lumps trapped beneath the skin can be history …………… if you can afford the £3000 treatment. And the results are ‘lasting’ ……………. well for 70% of those treated. Yes you are likely to hear more about the Cellulaze laser – what an original name.
And another ‘disappearing gadget’ is one designed by Swedish Military experts (at Bae Systems) can make tanks ‘look’ like cows and make them ‘invisible’ to night vision goggles and the sensors of heat guided missiles. I guess those last two points are of little comfort to cows who may now raise the ‘suspicions’ of the enemy. We don’t have time to go into the other possibilities …. but the thought of disguising mother in laws comes to mind.
And for the guys if you want to reduce your chances of getting Prostrate Cancer then a) stay away from eggs – US research has concluded that those who have consumed more than 3 eggs per week are 81 per cent more likely to get the disease (the average Brit consumes 2.5 eggs per week) and b) Statins can help reduce your risk by up to 24%. Statins have been very effective in reducing blood levels of cholesterol and also help in reducing blood clots, Alzheimers and eye disorders. Seems like good value at an average cost of just 40 pence per day.
And on the subject of cholesterol did any of you see the new ‘frying machine’ which is ‘fat free’. It works (or cooks) without oil thus producing chips, burgers that are healthier and tastier (although I am not sure about that). The Philips Airfryer uses a grill and a fan that blasts heat around the food at very high temperatures and speed. And its use has now been extended to cooking quiches, breads and other foods. Seems like good value at £240 per machine.
Did you know that on September 22 nd the cornerstone of Physics (Einsteins Theory of Relativity – speed of light) was ‘destroyed’. Scientists at a Swiss University recorded (on three occasions) the ‘sending’ of particles to a lab in Italy which beat the speed of light by 60 nano-seconds. Otherwise recorded as a speed of 299,798,454 meters per second. Wow. Just like Brian O Driscoll in the match against Italy.
I just loved this next idea. It relates to crowd violence and hooliganism in Soccer. And in Turkey in particular – unanimously acknowledged as the most violent location for Clubs playing in European competitions. The Turkish Football Association ONLY allowed women and children into the most recent Fernabace league match. And guess what. There was a FULL house of 41,000. And yes, there were no arrests, no obscene chants, no fights and no swearing. Yes there was an obvious lack of intelligence and knowledge of the game in the stadium (!!!!) but the trade off was one that has given the green light to a repeat of this wonderfully creative decision.
And the Irish Government are having a two day ‘think session’ on how to make the Economy recover faster. Irish, and quasi-Irish, business people from around the world are invited to a two day ‘behind doors’ meeting in Ireland. Unlike the previous such event two years ago under the Fianna Fail (intentional mis-spelling) stewardship, I think Enda Kenny and his Partners in Government WILL make this one work. So please Enda don’t let me, and your large new fan club, down. Bill Clinton is flying in to be part of Group. ONE piece of advice Enda. You should appoint a Tsar (or even a Minister) to ensure any valuable and workable ideas are prioritised and implemented.
Finally remember a weak Euro brings inflation to the Eurozone which will lead to higher (rather than lower) interest rates ……….. which in turn will strengthen the currency.
Finally finally for those of you who don’t believe that Ireland and its people cannot produce world beating products or technology, then think again. Only a short time after Norkom was sold to BAe Systems, Blackberry owner (RIM) has just bought the Irish software company NewBay. More evidence of just what this small country is capable off. Well Done Paddy Holohan (who created NewBay in 2002) and his team on landing this $100 million deal.

Boring event or person of the :
The Welsh rugby team Manager – who used to manage the Irish team. IF I hear one more time how confident and super human his team are, I will feel compelled to visit a doctor and have my ears removed. Lets see how wonderful your team are on the playing field …………. you arrogant piece of decayed cheese.

Fun Corner
A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job.
In the first room, she said she would like a pale blue.
The contractor wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out “green side up!”
In the second room, she told the painter she would like it painted in a soft yellow.
He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window, opened it, and yelled “green side up!”
The lady was somewhat curious, but she said nothing.
In the third room, she said she would like it painted a warm rose color.
The painter wrote this down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled “green side up!”
The lady then asked him, “Why do you keep yelling ‘green side up’?”
“I’m sorry,” came the reply. “But I have a crew of blondes laying sod across the street

Some thoughts to reflect

All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.
Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
OK, so what’s the speed of dark?
How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don’t have film.
Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
I intend to live forever – so far, so good.
Sex is like air. It’s not important unless you aren’t getting any.
Always remember you’re unique. Just like everyone else.
If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.
Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
Generally speaking, you aren’t learning much when your lips are moving.
Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.

A computer programmer was walking along the side of a lake when he came across a funny looking frog. The guy picked up the frog, put it into his pocket, and went on his way.
A couple of minutes of walking later, the man heard a cry from inside his pocket, “help, help”! He took out the frog, looked at it, smiled, and put it back into his pocket.
Again, “help, help me, a wicked witch has turned me into a frog, kiss me and I’ll turn into a beautiful princess”. Again the man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and put it back again.
Moments later, “Help me, help me, a wicked witch has turned me into a frog, kiss me and I’ll turn into a beautiful princess. I’ll do_anything_if_ you_ help_ me, anything”! The man simply took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and put it back again!
The little green frog again screamed out “Help, I’m the most beautiful princess, if you kiss me and help me I’ll do anything, marry you, sleep with you, give you money, ANYTHING.” The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled and said “I’m a computer programmer; I work too much so a girlfriend or wife is of no use to me. But, a small talking green frog is cool.”

(Read this with an Italian accent) I am an Italiano. One day ima gonna L.A. to bigga hotel. Ina morning I go down to eat breakfast. I tella waitress I wanna two pisses toast. She brings me only one piss. I tella her I want two piss. She say go to t he toilet. I say you no understand, I wanna two piss onna my plate. She say you better no piss onna plate, you sonna ma bitch. I don’t even know the lady and she call me sonna ma bitch. Later I go to eat at the bigga restaurant. The waitress brings m e a spoon and knife but no fock. I tella her I wanna fock. She tell me everyone wanna fock. I tella her you no understand. I wanna fock on the table. She say you better not fock on the table, you sonna ma bitch. So I go back to my room ina hotel and there is no shits onna my bed. I call the manager and tella him I wanna shit. He tell me to go to toilet. I say you no understand. I wanna shit on my bed. He say you better not shit onna bed, you sonna ma bitch. I go to the checkout and the man at the desk say: “Peace on you.” I say piss on you too, you sonna ma bitch, I gonna back to Italy!

SIGNS SEEN IN OUR TRAVELS

Friends don’t let friends take home ugly men
Women’s restroom
Starboard, Dewey Beach, DE

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity
The Bayou, Baton Rouge, LO

If pro is opposite of con, then what is the opposite of progress?
Congress!
Men’s restroom
House of Representatives, Washington, DC

A Woman’s Rule of Thumb:
If it has tires or testicles, you’re going to have trouble with it
Women’s restroom
Dick’s Last Resort, Dallas, TX

Jake was sitting in a bar and noticed a group of people using sign language.
He also noticed that the bartender was using sign language to speak to them.
When the bartender returned to him, Jake asked how he had learned to use sign language.
The bartender explained that these were regular customers and had taught him to speak in sign. Jake thought that was great.
A few minutes later Jake noticed that the people in the group were waving their hands around very wildly.
The bartender looked over and signed, “Now cut that out! I warned you!” and threw the group out of the bar.
Jake asked why he had done that and the bartender said, “If I told them once I told them 100 times – NO SINGING IN THE BAR

When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old lady sitting on a park bench sobbing her eyes out. I stopped and asked her what was wrong. She said, ‘I have a 22 year old husband at home. He makes love to me every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee.’

I said, ‘Well, then why are you crying?’
She said, ‘He makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite brownies and then makes love to me for half the afternoon.

I said, ‘Well, why are you crying?’

She said, ‘For dinner he makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favorite dessert and then makes love to me until 2:00 a.m.’

I said, ‘Well, why in the world would you be crying?’

She said, ‘I can’t remember where I live!’

Two elderly women were eating breakfast in a restaurant one morning Ethel noticed something funny about Mabel’s ear and she said, ”Mabel, do you know you’ve got a suppository in your left ear?’ Mabel answered, ‘I have a suppository in my ear?’ She pulled it out and stared at it. Then she said, ‘Ethel, I’m glad you saw this thing. Now I think I know where to find my hearing aid.’

When the husband died, his wife put the death notice in the paper, adding that he died of gonorrhoea. No sooner were the papers delivered when a friend of the family phoned and complained bitterly, ‘You know very well that he died of diarrhoea, not gonorrhoea.’

Replied the widow, ‘I nursed him night and day so of course I know he died of diarrhoea, but I thought it would be better for posterity to remember him as a great lover rather than the big shit he always was.’

An elderly couple were on a cruise and it was really stormy. They were standing on the back of the boat watching the moon, when a wave came up and washed the old woman overboard.. They searched for days and couldn’t find her, so the captain sent the old man back to shore with the promise that he would notify him as soon as they found something.

Three weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax from the boat. It read: ‘Sir, sorry to inform you, we found your wife dead at the bottom of the ocean. We hauled her up to the deck and attached to her butt was an oyster and in it was a pearl worth $50,000 . Please advise.’

The old man faxed back: ‘Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap.’

A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service, the pall bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket . They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive! She lives for ten more years, and then dies. Once again, a ceremony is held, and at the end of it, the pall bearers are again carrying out the casket. As they carry the casket towards the door, the husband cries out, ‘Watch that wall!’

Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.

One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, ‘Now don’t get mad at me…I know we’ve been friends for a long time…..but I just can’t think of your name! I’ve thought and thought, but I can’t remember it. Please tell me what your name is.’

Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, ‘How soon do you need to know?’

THE SENILITY PRAYER
Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.

Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend Finney. “Did you see the paper?” asked Gallagher. “They say I died!!”
“Yes, I saw it!” replied Finney. “Where are you callin’ from ?

There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas. When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats and said, “Wow, these seats are big!” The person next to him answered, “Everything is big in Texas.”
When he finally arrived in Texas, he decided to visit a bar. Upon arriving in the bar, he ordered a beer and got a mug placed between his hands. He exclaimed, “Wow these mugs are big!” The bartender replied, “Everything is big in Texas.”
After a couple of beers, the blind man asked the bartender where the bathroom was located. The bartender replied, “Second door to the right.” The blind man headed for the bathroom, but accidentally tripped over and skipped the second door. Instead, he entered the third door, which lead to the swimming pool and fell into the pool by accident.
Scared to death, the blind man started shouting, “Don’t flush, don’t flush!”

The phone rings at FBI headquarters.
“Hello? I’m calling to report my neighbor, Clifford. He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood!”
“Thank you very much for the call, sir.”
The next day, FBI agents descend on the neighbor’s house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swear at the neighbors and leave.
The phone rings at the neighbors house. Hey, Clifford, did the FBI come?”
“Yep.”
“Did they chop your firewood?”
“Yep.”
“Great, now it’s your turn to call. I need my garden plowed

Why S&P downgraded the US

SIMPLE YET VERY INTERESTING CALCULATION !!

• U.S. Tax revenue: $2,170,000,000,000
• Federal budget: $3,820,000,000,000
• New debt: $1,650,000,000,000
• National debt: $14,271,000,000,000
• Recent budget cut: $38,500,000,000

Let’s remove 8 zeros and pretend it’s a household budget:

• Annual family income: $21,700
• Money the family spent: $38,200
• New debt on the family credit card: $16,500
• Outstanding balance on the family credit card: $142,710
• Total family budget cuts: $385

How do you think you bank or a credit scoring would go on this ‘showing’.

Currency Corner:
The complete destruction of the Euro. Inevitable ? How many signals do the Germans and French need ? As long as the Greek debt situation remains unresolved, there will now be NO respite for the beleaguered currency. And in all this uncertainty the US $ is in the unfamiliar territory of ‘haven status’. But I now expect, that with European inflation a full 1% above the 2% set by the ECB, you might expect that European interest rates will not now fall as expected over the Autumn/Winter months. So the 1.32 (hit earlier in the week) level will be the LOWEST and the currency will bounce from there. Yesterday’s decision by the ECB (Trichets final announcement as President) to keep rates on hold, in my view, signals a return to its obsession with inflation rather than what is economically helpful to EU Members.
Remember a weak currency brings inflation ………… something the Eurozone does not want at the moment as it will damage the chances of low (or lower) interest rates being maintained.
The $/Yen paid some dividends this week but it has still not broken convincingly through the 77 mark. I still like the trade up to 80.
The UK and Sterling is still my favourite currency for those uncertain about the Euro or US$. Nice coupon and fundamentally the UK economy is better placed than most prime currency alternatives.
Equity Corner :
Let us make the large jump of belief that the Global Credit Markets will not freeze (I know this could be a very brave assumption) and that there capitalist world has a chance. Assuming this to be the case then Global Equities are cheap. Very cheap.
It has been a strange, although we have had warnings, week on Global Equity bourses. Desperation on Monday and Tuesday only for champagne to hit the trading floors Wednesday and Yesterday. Given that this reversal happened with no real change in the Global outlook, one would have to believe that we are again being manipulated by those who trade the markets and are letting valuations float ‘north’ with the intention of volume selling early next week. So be careful. I DO believe there will be what will be considered a ‘global recession’.
I had unhesitatingly recommended Prudential Plc (the insurance conglomerate) to some friends earlier this week and unfortunately the Company’s price movement yesterday (up 10%) has taken some of the ‘obvious value’ out of the stock – it rose 15% from its low of Tuesday. While I think £7 is possible over the next 6/9 months I would prefer we wait to see if the price drifts back towards £5.35/40 and move if this happens. The other tip is Man Group (on a take over play …. but need to be careful) which has been ‘destroyed’ (has fallen 35% over past three weeks) since an update two weeks ago. The selling is overdone, but do be careful.
If the Credit Markets freeze the credit paralysis will knock up to 20% off current market valuations.