Home Thoughts From Dubai

Did you know :
a) that the fastest mammal is the dolphin who can swim at 35 miles per hour (the fastest human can swim at 6 mph) b) a zebra is white with black stripes c) all the planets in the solar system rotate anti-clockwise except Venus d) the word ‘listen’ has the same letters as the word ‘silent’ and e) The names of the continents all end with the same letter with which they start

Thoughts for the week :
a) The fundamental cause of trouble in the world today is that the stupid are cocksure while the intelligent are full of doubt b) Nothing fails like prayer c) There is nobody so irritating as somebody with less intelligence and more sense than we have and d) of all the things I have lost, I miss my mind the most.

Biggest change in Dubai/Dublin this week :
Just a few points this week – as part of my commitment to keep HT ‘briefish’ !!!
Well with Ramadan (and Eid) over, there are no excuses if the resumption of the Dubai economic recovery, falters. 2011 has seen a steady resurrection in both the economic data, employment and property prices. There are now 8 months with no obstructions. So fingers crossed. Better times ahead.
Abu Dhabi airport passenger traffic also continues to benefit from Etihad’s growing global presence. In July, most transit traffic, passenger numbers grew by 13% – albeit from a low base it still amounted to 1.2 million which is a new record. It is also interesting that Etihads top five routes are London, Doha, Bangkok, Jeddah and Manila. Dublin is actually the airlines third highest load factor but has not as many flights as these other locations.
There are rumours that UAE Nationals will no longer need a visa to enter Ireland. WOW that would be a great ‘win’ and further endear the Irish to this important trading partner and enthusiastic supporter of our country.
It is also worth noting that Dubai Ports (Dubai World) will enter the FTSE next week. Another sign that Dubai’s financial condition has improved enormously from the much publicised (and exaggerated) problems of three years ago.

Reflections from the week :
For those of you ‘joining’ Home Thoughts from Dubai for the first time, its origins are a ‘penance’ I set myself 7 years ago when I came to Dubai. It was a way of ‘writing’ to friends, family and business partners telling them that I was ‘fine’ or ‘ok’ and dumping my views of what was going on in parts of business and world life, into their homes, businesses and private lives. Readers include people from the highest level of business (at least that’s what some of them tell me) to my Mother (yes I know, mothers will always tell you what you want to hear). And so the content may seem ‘scattered’ and ‘mixed’ – but such is the essentialness of ‘gripping’ the attention of the readership diversity. I also occasionally include Mahmoud Ahmedinijad from Iran – just to annoy him and increase my Iranian audience (and site ‘hits’), Michelle Pfeifer in the hope of her one day realising that I am worth a ‘shot’ and many other well known global names from entertainment, sport, politics and business as I have come to realise through that wonderful tool, Google Analytics, that my weekly ‘site visits or hits’ increases alarmingly with the use of such journalistic tactics.
Now you can all appreciate the ‘body and mind sapping’ nature of this weekly commitment I have given over the past 7 years (really only 42 weeks as I take some deserved time off at Christmas and Summer) and as I go into the next phase of my ‘career’ and life, I now need to let you all have more time to yourselves and release you from being a ‘slave’ to my weekly insights. No, don’t worry, I am not going to abandon you. I am just going to move Home Thoughts (or ‘David’s letter from the Arab World’ as my Mum calls it) from a weekly to a fortnightly communication. That way, we will all have a better quality of life and you know what they say ‘absence makes the heart grow ……….’ !!!
So enough of the ‘intro’ let me get on with this fortnights fun.
One of the most ‘interesting’ aspects of recent business life, has been the complete absence of financial leadership in Europe and specifically the management of the European economies (yes it IS plural) and the Euro. This lack of leadership, primarily by Merkel in Germany (aren’t we in Ireland lucky that we now no longer have the ugliest Prime Minister in Europe) and the fat noses dwarf President Sarkozy in France, has effectively put an end to the Euro currency. It may take time but it is now inevitably unless there is a major U-Turn amongst the ‘parent States of Germany and France’. It is also breathtakingly astonishing how the world, and Europe specifically, has allowed the Global Press and Financial Analysts (yes the ones who dream up why the world should end) to concentrate on the debt levels of so many Sovereign States around the world. These same analysts/journalists were the ones who 3 years ago were predicting the end of the ‘Western World’ as its banking system went into meltdown. But with the concerted efforts of Global Governments (the only ‘entities’ that were ‘allowed’ to borrow money at the time) this potential Armageddon was avoided. And now , with the world almost ‘normalised’, these same ‘Reapers’ are trying find another reason for the world to end. IF Governments around the world are compelled to run down budget and borrowing deficits too quickly then there WILL be a Global recession – which will hand a ‘win’ to guys who should really not be allowed share the oxygen of our Planet. But alas they are winning and hence my second prediction. There IS a Global recession ahead.
Finally on finance commentary. Isn’t it strange that most Governments will accept that they NEED the banking system to be lending and functioning properly for Economies to recover and grow, and yet these same Governments attack, punish, vilify and regulate these very ‘pillars of the economy’ in a way that prevents them from performing what is economically essential.
Now Mums turn. Did you know the latest fashion trend to hit the streets amongst the rich females of the Planet, is to have ‘handbag pups’. Now we all know the woman’s ‘umbilical attachment’ to handbags but this brings the habit to a new mountain top. Yes apparently all the branded shopping streets of the world now have women who on closer observation of the thing draped from their shoulder or arm, has a little confused Chihuahua, Pomeranian or Pug Cross peering out from the Louis Vuitton or D & G handbag. I just don’t know. And I thought finance was full of eccentricities. But I guess it brings new meaning to ‘taking the dog for a walk, darling’.
Now another ‘trend’ that is about to ‘infect’ the rich – if it is not already part of their lives – the growth in ‘Body Parts Laboratories (or shops)’ around the world. The list is endless. In addition to the ‘cosmetic products’ that have been available for years, the ‘shelves’ now include leg muscle (I am not sure if that is really a Victoria Beckham product), fingers (now you are talking), a windpipe (that might help Vicky Becks irritating voice), an eye (the idea is you can buy one, not gauge one out), spinal nerves and a brain (now you can definitely expect to see Vicky in that dept. Imagine being able to buy something you always wanted !!). And ALL these products have been GROWN in Laboratories as opposed taken from other humans. So Vicky, you don’t have to take any ‘dirty’ parts from other bodies …………. sorry humans.
One woman who seems to challenge VB’s place in the history of ‘odiousness’ will just NOT go away. What is it with Sarah Palin, the US Republican Party moron, that she just wants to be on stage, irritating everybody with her ‘intellectual mistakes’, her ‘consistently boring’ political thinking and her nauseating voice. Just do us ALL a favour and go back to Alaska. Please. Even Tom Hunersen, your only fan in Ireland, is yawning.
And finally in Mum’s Corner. Did you know that a latte can have the same calories as a bag of chips (and that will be the BIG chips). Or that the harmless McDonalds burger meal contains 80% of a woman’s recommended average daily calorie intake of 2,000. Well from next week in most fast food outlets in the UK you will be able to read for yourself the ‘damage’ these succulent products inflict on you and your body.
If you were asked what the population of the world is what would you answer ? Well most of us will shout a figure of 6 billion. Anyhow whatever chance you may have of being right (because you got the first figure/number right) will cease in six weeks time when the official population of the Planet will rise above 7 billion.

Now think twice before sitting down to a bean supper if you’re travelling to Malawi soon: the little African country wants to resurrect a law against breaking wind in public. The government claims ‘vitiating the atmosphere’ has run rampant there since the advent of democracy 15 years ago.
But many countries ban seemingly innocent behaviour. Did you know, for example, that it is illegal to land a flying saucer in the vineyards of France? And if you’re single, divorced or a widow living in Florida, don’t even think about using a parachute on Sunday afternoons. Does that mean a ‘widower’ can parachute (surely it would be just better to say you cannot parachute rather than name the classes that cannot).
And would you believe that throughout the whole of England it is illegal to eat mince pies on 25 December? The law was introduced by the puritanical Oliver Cromwell in the 17th century and has never been repealed.
In Scotland, on the other hand, you can legally enjoy as many mince pies as you can stomach on Christmas Day, but the country has its own batch of crazy laws, too. Avoid being drunk in possession of a cow in that country, for instance – you risk being locked up.
And if you stick a stamp with the Queen’s head on it upside down on an envelope, you are still committing treason. This law was passed in 1840, when the first penny black was issued, to stop people “insulting the monarchy”
Perverts, meanwhile, listen up. An old law in Russia allows a police officer to “beat a peeping tom soundly” but in the US state of Texas, two categories of men are exempt from peeping tom charges: men over 50 and men with only one eye
If you’re in Hawaii and enjoying a late night laugh at the madcap laws still existing around the world, then stop! A law there prohibits laughing loudly in public after 10pm.
Finally, you are all breaking the law simply by reading this article – actually only if you happen to be a resident of Denver, Colorado. After a one-time craze for researching wacky laws there, public records offices were so swamped by requests for information on entertaining legislation that possession of lists like this was banned

Finally (in real) did you know that 80% of American Lottery winners would prefer not to have won. Well that is after a period of 2 years ‘in the role’. Also did you read about the Frenchman who has won the won Lottery, TWICE (in two years). With EXACTLY the same numbers. Think how depressed he must be !!!!
Finally finally did you know that humans stop growing (height) at 21 (women) and 25 (men). Amazing.

Boring event or person of the Holiday :

Does anybody watch Piers Morgan on CNN. He took over from the irreplaceably Larry King earlier this year. I think if I were to try and replace somebody in some activity in life, it would be somebody who did watch not very well respected and did a less than good job. But not only has Mr Morgan got this wrong but he looks uncomfortable and …………… well despite his exceptionally high levels of arrogance, in awe of his guests. While maybe not boring, he is close enough to win the award in this weeks HT.

Fun Corner

The Greek Government has announced that it will be reducing it’s production of Taramasalata and Hummus which indicates that it is definitely suffering a ‘double dip’ recession!!

An 85-year-old man went to his doctor’s office to get a sperm count. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, “Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.”

The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor’s office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked what happened and the man explained: “Well, doc, it’s like this – First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.

Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, and still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit and she even tried squeezin’ it between her knees, but still nothing.” The doctor was shocked! “You asked your neighbor?” The old man replied,

“Yep. And no matter what we tried, we still couldn’t get the jar open.”

A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife.

She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching,

so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.

Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk. She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.

He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching.
For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well.
Then one day, the rancher’s widow said to the hired hand, “You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels.”

The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night.
One o’clock came, however, and he didn’t return.
Two o’clock and no hired hand.
Finally he returned around two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher’s widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.

She quietly called him over to her..
“Unbutton my blouse and take it off,” she said.

Trembling, he did as she directed. “Now take off my boots.”

He did as she asked, ever so slowly. “Now take off my socks.”
He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.

“Now take off my skirt.”
He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.

“Now take off my bra.”

Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.

Then she looked at him and said,
“If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you’re fired.”

Sorry about the length of this next one
Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur’s youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question..
Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and, if after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death.

The question?
What do women really want? Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch’s proposition to have an answer by year’s end.

He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: the princess, the priests, the wise men and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.

Many people advised him to consult the old witch, for only she would have the answer.

But the price would be high, as the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.

The last day of the year arrived, and Arthur had no choice but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to agree to her price first.

The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur’s closest friend!

Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunchbacked and hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc. He had never encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life.

He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible burden; but Lancelot, learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur.

He said nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur’s life and the preservation of the Round Table.

Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered Arthur’s question thus:

What a woman really wants, she answered…is to be in charge of her own life.

Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthur’s life would be spared.

And so it was, the neighboring monarch granted Arthur his freedom, and Lancelot and the witch had a wonderful wedding.

The honeymoon hour approached, and Lancelot, steeling himself for a horrific experience, entered the bedroom. But, what a sight awaited him. The most beautiful woman he had ever seen lay before him on the bed. The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened .

The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she appeared as a witch, she would henceforth be her horrible deformed self only half the time and the beautiful maiden the other half.

Which would he prefer? Beautiful during the day….or night?

Lancelot pondered the predicament. During the day, a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his castle, an old witch ?
Or, would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day, but by night, a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous intimate moments?

What would YOU do?

What Lancelot chose is below. BUT……make YOUR choice before you scroll down below. OKAY?

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Noble Lancelot said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself.

Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life.

Now….what is the moral to this story?

The moral is (and the origins of the saying) ….
If you don’t let a woman have her own way….
Things are going to get ugly!

Dog’s and Cat’s diaries

From a Dog’s Diary
8:00 am – Dog food! My favourite thing!
9:30 am – A car ride! My favourite thing!
9:40 am – A walk in the park! My favourite thing!
10:30 am – Got rubbed and petted! My favourite thing!
12:00 PM – Lunch! My favourite thing!
1:00 PM – Played in the yard! My favourite thing!
3:00 PM – Wagged my tail! My favourite thing!
5:00 PM – Milk bones! My favourite thing!
7:00 PM – Got to play ball! My favourite thing!
8:00 PM – Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favourite thing!
11:00 PM – Sleeping on the bed! My favourite thing!

From a Cat’s Diary

Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a ‘good little hunter’ I am. Bastards.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of ‘allergies’. I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow — but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released – and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.
Jack Cooper has been eyeing me strangely lately but I figure Bombay Jacks would be no form of escape – even tho he seems to be a kind hearted fella. If he tries to wash me in the toilet like last week I’ll become an angle-biter because I know he loves those.
The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now… Will keep you posted.

Currency Corner:
Well the Euro/$ tussle continues. One week it the weak $ the next the weak Euro. And as I have said so many times, there is no logic to currency movements …………. when assessed over a short period. WHY otherwise would the $ strengthen (not only against the Euro) given the weak economic data flowing of the US last week. With the $ now under 1.40 against the Euro, you can expect some further Euro weakening after yesterdays ‘dovish’ comments by JP Trichet.
Over the longer term I think the US currency will weaken …………. partly linked to a ‘silent’ US Government belief that it is best for the economy and partly because of its transition from being the sole ‘reserve currency’.
I see the UK as being stronger than most commentators ascribe. So expect the £ to remain strong against the US$ and the Euro.
Equity Corner :
Well it was inevitable and through the month of August we saw the negative response to the realisation that the World is going into recessionary mode. Well most of it (there are parts of Asia, the Middle East and North Africa that will not). And with this corporate earnings will falter.
The major correction in equity markets over the past few weeks alone will cause recession. The ‘disappearance’ of trillions in ‘wealth’ effectively reduces confidence, spending power and liquidity. As this (recessionary) realisation hits however, a ‘balance point’ will be hit and specific corporate (and M&A) activity will provide excellent profit opportunities.
I am conscious that I sold you a very wrong tip with Irish Life & Permanent (although I believe that it was the former Irish Government who destroyed this company) and need to redeem my previously ‘above average’ reputation. So while I scout the ‘equity planet’ for this compensation, let me give you two on a three month view.
First is Marks & Spencer @ £3.15 ish and the second is Man Group which I see as a takeover target. If BP (which will benefit from Libya) drops back much more I would also feel happy for us to put some money that way.
At least with these stocks we won’t see the balance sheets go down the toilet.